I’ve always thought that greasing the poles was a tragic waste of perfectly good crisco. Imagine if the Phillies win the World Series right now. We’re only a month away from Thanksgiving. If the city wastes all the crisco greasing the poles to make sure Philadelphia fans don’t climb over them during a raucous celebration, think of the shortage of crisco we’ll suffer when we need it most to prepare delicious pies. We will go from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows.
But CamSoda arrives to save the day. They send trucks full of 55 gallon drums of lubricant straight to the streets of Philadelphia. If you’re a visual learner like me, this is what 550 gallons looks like.
This is an industrial amount of lubricant. More lube than you would ever know what to do with. And best of all?
It is a double objective. If the city wants to grease the poles fine, let them grease the poles. But you won’t need to go all 550 gallons. The city is going to be very excited when we celebrate a World Series championship. So any remaining lube may just be for a good old-fashioned fuck. Just start handing out that shit like a stimulus check. It seems to me that everyone wins.